We all know that the wedding day is one that is special for a woman and her husband to be. It’s also a very special day for family and friends. Brides and Grooms know that this is the one event in their life when they can be somewhat self indulgent, and they should feel at the end of the day, that they had a spectacular event, that really reflected who they are as a couple, and who they want to be as a married pair.
Planners are designers and artists at heart. Their job is to listen to your big dreams, and deliver you an event that resembles it as closely as possible with the budget you’ve allowed them to use. If you give the right planner your trust, and your high level vision, this can be achieved, and you may be seriously, and overwhelmingly surprised at the result. Part of the intrigue of working with a planner is the powerful impact that their final design has on you and your guests on your big day.
Often times though, brides are coming to their initial planning meeting with a potential planner, with photos and lists and exact descriptions of the details they expect to have – at which point, the planner’s overall value is significantly diminished, and the makings of a tense and difficult planning process can be triggered. A planner can deliver high quality results, relative to the budget they are given, by leveraging existing relationships, helpful discounts, and other creativities. By coming to the first meeting, making an assumption that you can deliver better as the bride, indicates that you intend to plan your own wedding from start to finish, and are therefore potentially wasting your time and money on having a planner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, and having a planner isn’t necessarily for everyone. But what you should be expecting to do with this planner should be much more pointed and direct. Be upfront – explain that you know what you want, and which vendors you want to use, and ask them if they think they can help you negotiate discounts to reach your budget. Or be clear that you know what you’re doing for everything but the videography, and the dj, and that you feel that you will need day of coordination help. Can the planner help you to secure these three details, as opposed to helping you design the whole wedding from start to finish for example?
Most planners will be happy to accommodate the pared down services and will be able to deliver against them to your complete satisfaction. And at the end of your wedding, their real value will be evident. Approaching the first meeting with a potential planner under the pretense that you want them to plan your whole wedding, only to be overly specific about your details and your vendor selection, leaves them with very little visible value to offer, and will only make you feel like you’ve paid more than you should…and at the end of the day, it’s not the planner’s fault. They followed your direction, and delivered your details, to your specifications. What you said you wanted is what you got – you left no room for the planner to impress you with their creativity, or surprise you with the glamour you thought you would be getting.
We all want you to have the event of your wildest dreams, and we know we can deliver it and then some. But we need you to let us do what we do best. Deliver and surprise with our quality, our creativity and our vision.
Still, I know it’s tempting – you’ve been dreaming about your day since you were six years old, wearing lace kitchen curtains as make shift veils during various episodes of playing dress up with your stuffed dolls, and neighborhood friends. Letting go of that control isn’t easy. We “get that” as planners. We can deliver a heavenly escape and capture those cloud filled moments of your dream wedding, but trust is key.
The best way to approach your first meeting, and every meeting thereafter with your planner, is to be clear. You have this much money to be spent…you have this overarching idea of the overall experience your wedding should deliver…your favourite flower is…your favourite colour is…you have this many guests that are critical to invite, and this many on the “nice to have” list…you have this traditional or religious requirement or something else that’s close to your hearts to be shared on your big day…your favourite type of music is this…and so on. A good planner will follow up with you in a month’s time or less with design concepts and options. They will share their vision of the details with you, which means you’re going to see the best possible options for the budget you have, and you’re not going to be limited to your first ideas of the details you had in mind. Maybe they’ll be able to share ideas with you that you never knew were possible, or show you where in the budget you can adjust things to make them possible.
They will consult you at every step of the way. They will allow you to approve, provide input to or scratch any idea they present you, and they will give you final veto on vendor selections. You should always be presented with at least 3 options for any given detail, and your planner will work with you to be sure that the final result on your big wedding day is a vision that fully represents your own, unique and special day. If you give them the freedom to design and create the vision, your day can be the one you always dreamed you would have or better. Be open to suggestions, and be prepared to be hands off (this is what planners do – they keep things stress free for you throughout the planning process – which means they do the heavy lifting, hands on stuff for you), until they bring you in for final approvals on each stage.
Happy Planning!
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