Well, Yipes.
As brides, if this hasn't got you thinking "huh?" then we need to chat.
With all that bride's have going on in the month leading up to the big day, I'm honestly very surprised to see how many people are doing different favours for different people. In most cases I'm seeing it occur it is when couples are hosting a guest list of more than 100 people! And if they aren't different favours for different people, then they are going the extra mile and personalizing each tag for each guest.
I want to tell you that (while nice and very personal), the person who takes this on as a project has to be EXTREMELY well organized, and must have seating plans for each table, and cross referenceable charts to help who ever is placing the favours at each setting OR they have to be prepared that the favours will be presented very pleasingly the same way place cards would. Even consider presenting them with the placecards.
I've seen it done incredibly well, and I've seen it done incredibly poorly - and quite frankly, when you're a day of coordinator, you certainly want to help lay them out, and you most definitely want to do it perfectly - but the added referencing work can often throw a real snag in a coordinator's efficiency on your wedding day - and ultimately, it can really challenge your coordinator to catch all the other little details if she and her assistant are trying to make sense of a bride's last minute, great idea, rushed attempt at organization.
I personally think it's a whole lot of work for everyone: the bride, the groom, the bridal party (who often get pulled in at the last minute to help get tags and wrapping finished) and the coordinator. And as I've demonstrated above, it creates an opportunity for undue chaos to take this extra mile. Honestly, I believe there are better places to spend that money, and effort personalizing little details of your day that won't cause undue stress on anyone, and that all of the guests will appreciate. At the end of the wedding, your guest is not going to care that they had a personalized gift tag, or a better gift - what they will remember is that they got the WRONG tag, or they got the LESSER/CHEAPER gift.
When deciding on favours, here are the steps you should follow:
1) what's your budget for favours?
2) what type of favour would best reflect your tastes as a couple and your life together - ie. coffee cups, crystal wine decanters, chocolate truffles, chopsticks, etc... ?
3) whatever your answers to #1 and #2, now you need to decide on whether or not your gift is suitable for all individual guests, or more suitable as 1 favour per couple gift.
4) Buy the same thing for every favour
5) wrap and present them the same way - your personalized thank you tags should be personalized with your own generic thank you message and your names - NOT your guests' names
6) decide if the favours will be presented on a separate table (suitable for large favours), at each place setting, or at every other place setting.
Final thoughts on the 6th rule -
a) If you have a number of single guests, consider doing the separate table presentation or a favour that is suitable for each individual at each place setting.
b) If you have children attending, they too should get an individual favour if you are setting them at each place setting.
c) If they are too young to use it, consider it a write off and let the child's parent take it home with them.
d) If you've chosen to do larger, more expensive favours for each couple, scratch counting one for each child, and be sure to count one for each single guest (+1's should be considered part of the single guest's couple), but DO be sure that you're presentation of the favours is at a separate table so guests can collect them on the way into your dining hall or on the way out at the end of the night.
All this achieves your ultimate goal - it keeps things organized, and smooth to roll out on your wedding day, AND it helps you to make sure that you are leaving no one feeling left out. Everyone leaves with the very same smile. And finally, if it's left behind, you can donate it to a favourite charity afterwards.
I know it seems like an awful lot of rules, and perhaps like it's more complicated than it needs to be, but at the end of the day, it amounts to this: 1 favour for all favours given - personalized with a generic thank you message from the two of you, with no further effort required. Just imagine how much more complicated these rules are when you start setting aside chopsticks for Sue Ann Smith, and a gravy boat for Sue Ann Rogers!!!
AND if you still want to personalize your favours, know that it's perfectly fine, and perfectly beautiful - my best advice to you is to start EARLY, PREPARE everyone who is going to help you, ASK for guidance and help, and BE EXTREMELY WELL ORGANIZED! Everyone will appreciate it that much more!
Happy Favour Shopping!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Lesley & Vince August 8th, 2009
On August 8th, we had the pleasure of doing day of coordination for Lesley and Vince. A most incredible couple, who had the most perfect wedding (with all the weddings I've attended/done, I actually teared up during their ceremony - it was so lovely).
We had the most wonderful opportunity to team up with some amazing vendors for this event - The Staff at the Oliver Bonaccini restaurant Jump on Wellington St in Toronto. What fantastic and attentive staff. They made my job seem so easy! So competent, and so courteous, these are career service industry people who take pride in what they do, ever single moment of the day. Can't say enough about the staff, can't say enough wonderful things about the food (I'm making my husband take me on a big beautiful date night one day when I'm finally off this diet, and the star of the evening will be this place). Such a wonderfully intimate and urban venue for a fabulous contemporary wedding!
Sounds of Distinction (Dan Forbes), who actually dj'd my own wedding in 2007 did an incredible job that Saturday. I can't say enough to refer his services! He is the best referral ever!
And we had the pleasure of seeing Irina and Mihkel of Irina Photography in action. What a great pair, and so in tune with catching the perfect moments, and weaving a beautiful pictorial story for a new bride and groom. Again, please read this as a big old referral for such wonderful photographers! Way to go Dan, Irina and Mihkel!
Irina sent me a sneak peek of Lesley and Vince's big day, and what justice it does to their memories. Please enjoy this sneak peek of Irina and Mihkel's work for the most lovely couple!
http://irinaphotography.squarespace.com/journal/2009/8/19/lesley-vince-wedding-preview.html
Congratulations once again Lesley and Vince!
We had the most wonderful opportunity to team up with some amazing vendors for this event - The Staff at the Oliver Bonaccini restaurant Jump on Wellington St in Toronto. What fantastic and attentive staff. They made my job seem so easy! So competent, and so courteous, these are career service industry people who take pride in what they do, ever single moment of the day. Can't say enough about the staff, can't say enough wonderful things about the food (I'm making my husband take me on a big beautiful date night one day when I'm finally off this diet, and the star of the evening will be this place). Such a wonderfully intimate and urban venue for a fabulous contemporary wedding!
Sounds of Distinction (Dan Forbes), who actually dj'd my own wedding in 2007 did an incredible job that Saturday. I can't say enough to refer his services! He is the best referral ever!
And we had the pleasure of seeing Irina and Mihkel of Irina Photography in action. What a great pair, and so in tune with catching the perfect moments, and weaving a beautiful pictorial story for a new bride and groom. Again, please read this as a big old referral for such wonderful photographers! Way to go Dan, Irina and Mihkel!
Irina sent me a sneak peek of Lesley and Vince's big day, and what justice it does to their memories. Please enjoy this sneak peek of Irina and Mihkel's work for the most lovely couple!
http://irinaphotography.squarespace.com/journal/2009/8/19/lesley-vince-wedding-preview.html
Congratulations once again Lesley and Vince!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Busy Week!
It's been a very busy week for us here - and somewhat of an emotional ride at the same time.
Finally, the reason Amy reached out to me in the first place. Amy and Wil wanted a photo station where they could take photographs with their guests, and where their guests could take photos throughout the night. What they didn't want however, was the standard photo booth, or a photographer's stock screen. They wanted something different and substantial enough to fill in a large empty space of their venue foyer. Sitting with them, and bringing as many creative ideas to the table as possible, we came up with the design below with an aim of playing up the garden atrium signature of Le Parc in Thornhill. We incorporated the bride's silk rose centrepiece and substituted a garden bench for the three covered venue chairs, and voila, a completely unique and transferable backdrop that was completely "one of a kind".
Congratulations Amy and Wil!
Earlier this week, I lost my Grandmother rather suddenly. The family has pulled together, and as many are in times of crisis, getting along quite well all things considered. We held her service on Friday, and in honour of her, instead of ordering a floral arrangement, I decided to make one for her that I thought would reflect her spunk, her roots, and her zest for life.
I used purple fuji mums, pink sweet heart roses, white snapdragons, and limonium to make this arrangement for my Nana.
After the service, my Mom (my partner) and I got straight back to work preparing for a most wonderful bride and her most wonderful groom. This was such a happy, generous, sincere, and thoughtful couple - It was truly my honour to have had any part of their big day!
The first wrinkle we hit this weekend was that all of the bridal party and their guests were about 45 minutes early, which meant people saw us in action, and we had to make ourselves scarce before completely finishing our set up - Thankfully, we were on hand til after the ceremony was finished, so while everyone was witnessing the vows, Mom and I got back to work at making Amy's vision come true! They made a beautiful couple, and will make a formidable team now that they are husband and wife.
Because of the time crunch I had to be stealthy in trying to catch this photo - so it's not as clear as I would have liked it to be - but, what a fabulous sneak peek for them. We did aisle decor for Amy and Wil, which included tulle swags to rope off the aisle and block the aisle prior to their procession.
Amy wanted a punch of colour as her guests arrived at the venue. Her colours were bright orange and hot pink, and I think these rose arrangements made just the right impact at the venues entrance. With a soft scent of rose, and simplicity of arrangement, the flowers spoke for themselves!
Finally, the reason Amy reached out to me in the first place. Amy and Wil wanted a photo station where they could take photographs with their guests, and where their guests could take photos throughout the night. What they didn't want however, was the standard photo booth, or a photographer's stock screen. They wanted something different and substantial enough to fill in a large empty space of their venue foyer. Sitting with them, and bringing as many creative ideas to the table as possible, we came up with the design below with an aim of playing up the garden atrium signature of Le Parc in Thornhill. We incorporated the bride's silk rose centrepiece and substituted a garden bench for the three covered venue chairs, and voila, a completely unique and transferable backdrop that was completely "one of a kind".Congratulations Amy and Wil!Saturday, August 8, 2009
39 Ways to Make Your Love Last and Last
Found a wonderful article on MSN Lifestyles this morning and thought I would share it with even more people. Writtenby Kimberly Bonnell & Pamela Redmond Satran.
Enjoy!
39 Ways to Make Your Love Last and Last
Finding the right guy is up to you, but once you do, here are some little and some bigger ways you can strengthen your love — from activities to do once a week, to things to do together once in a lifetime.
By Kimberly Bonnell & Pamela Redmond Satran
Now that you've fallen in love with someone wonderful, are you wondering how to keep that love alive? Here's what you should be doing as a couple:
...Once a week
1. Fight (a little). Getting your grrs out keeps small annoyances from snowballing. Britain's longest-married couple proves it: Together 81 years, Frank and Anita Milford say their secret is "a little argument every day."
2. Walk hand in hand. Even just to your car after an evening at Waffle House.
3. Compliment each other. This one's a daily to-do, if you can. There's no nice thing that's too small to mention: his excellent taste in music, the way he always opens the door for you — it's all worth a verbal love tap. And he will swoon.
4. Make love (obviously). But also ...
5. Have generous sex. You need at least one sexual connection a week that's all about pleasing the other person. (Dear busy people: Feel free to multitask and make this the sex from before. Same goes for this next one ...)
6. Sleep together before work. Put down the straightening iron and heat things up this way: "Weekday morning sex is the secret sauce in a relationship," says Tristan Coopersmith, 33, coauthor of Menu Dating.
7. Get into bed and ... sleep. "Sometimes the best thing a couple can do to ignite their passion for each other is sleep," says Hillsborough, New Jersey, sleep expert Carol Ash. If you two aren't in the sleepover stage yet, co-napping has been known to work wonders too.
8. Let something go. Argue over the stuff that matters, but once a week let him (and yourself) off the hook for things that don't: Yes, he chews his popcorn loud. No, it won't kill you.
9. Laugh really hard. Laughter is a relationship's Krazy Glue: It bonds you. Uninspired? Fast-forward to the chest-waxing scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, or send him something snortworthy from funnyordie.com.
10. Be do-gooders. Volunteering together (even just helping a friend move) bonds you because you're ID-ing "common values," says Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist in Wexford, Pennsylvania.
11. Do something scary. Been together a while? A pounding heart mimics the rush of brand-new love, says Patti Wood, an expert on nonverbal communication in Atlanta. Fly in a balloon, or order the sweetbreads for two!
12. Talk about money. Whether it's "Should we open a joint account?" or just, "Hey, let's split the bill tonight."
13. Brag publicly about him: his fearless pursuit of the mouse in your kitchen, the armful of hydrangeas he surprised you with, the raise he landed even in this economy. Surely once a month you can think of something that'll make him blush in front of your friends. He'll probably get you back too.
14. Declare something "this stays in Vegas." A silly nickname, or a crazy bedroom mishap. Share something intimate, then pull the couple bubble around you tightly.
15. Be the man. Not literally, but if your guy always initiates dates, romance, whatever, take the lead for once. Christina, 26, of Jersey City, New Jersey, likes to ask her husband out on formal dates: "I've even brought him a red rose."
16. Disappear together. Hike somewhere AT&T can't find you (and thus your mother, your boss and his needy friend Bob can't find you either). No woods? Any time spent totally alone together — a long drive, even — will do the trick.
17. Disappear alone. We're not advocating game-playing, exactly. But in this world of 24/7 availability, it can be good for your relationship to each have some solo time. Afterward, you'll feel recharged, like the free-spirited single girl he fell for once upon a time.
18. Go to a party! And mingle separately. It screams confidence and makes the after-party rehash even sweeter.
19. Have sex some way you've never had it before. A worthy challenge, whether you've been together 10 days or 10 years. Try a new position or play out a fantasy. Doesn't matter whether it's really new to you, as long as it's new to you as a couple.
20. Build a doghouse. Or restore a Firebird. Or, OK, sew matching Star Trek costumes. Any team project "is fantastic bonding," says Wendi Forrest, owner of Time for Nine, a golf dating service.
21. Now get the dog. Or at least a plant. Anything that'll grow with your love.
22. Say the tough thing. The dark family secret. The crazy career dream. If you can't confess to your significant other, then who? (Hey, you think Barack never said to Michelle way back when, "This may sound nuts, but I think I want to be president someday"?)
23. Cancel Valentine's Day and invent your own lovey-dovey holiday. Lobsterfest 2009, anyone?
24. Fall apart. You can't schedule this. But it's important that you each know, via experience, that you can completely, utterly lose your grip — weep over a bad haircut, threaten to leave your job after a nutso day, have a wrenching fight with your mom — and not lose each other.
25. Don't. Get. Up. At least once a year, break open some bubbly, disable the Wi-Fi, and don't get out of bed for the weekend.
26. Talk birth control. Not so sexy, but potentially life-changing. Would a different method work better? Is it his turn (or yours) to take primary responsibility? And where are you on the whole kid issue, anyway?
27. Re-kiss your first kiss. All timid and hopeful ... and wonderful.
28. Write each other. New Orleans newlywed Rebecca, 32, was inspired by her husband's uncle, who writes his wife every Christmas: "One letter may not seem like much, but after 30 years it's a wonderful record of their lives."
29. Think back on all the reasons you fell for him, whether you've dated for a year or a decade. Some will be big (his extra-dry sense of humor); some will be small (his love of argyle). Make sure you tell him, and remind yourself. Hello, butterflies! There you are again.
... And Once In a Lifetime
30. Get lost together in a foreign country.
31. Damn the cost and go do the dream.
32. Get intimate someplace you might be discovered.
33. Suffer through food poisoning together.
34. Go to each other's "fun" high school reunions.
35. Pay off the mortgage!
36. Come back from the brink of a breakup even stronger.
37. Together, convince a skeptic pal to believe in love.
38. Have a poor phase. Maybe a rich phase, too.
39. Count the stars. Know your love is one in a billion.
Enjoy!
39 Ways to Make Your Love Last and Last
Finding the right guy is up to you, but once you do, here are some little and some bigger ways you can strengthen your love — from activities to do once a week, to things to do together once in a lifetime.
By Kimberly Bonnell & Pamela Redmond Satran
Now that you've fallen in love with someone wonderful, are you wondering how to keep that love alive? Here's what you should be doing as a couple:
...Once a week
1. Fight (a little). Getting your grrs out keeps small annoyances from snowballing. Britain's longest-married couple proves it: Together 81 years, Frank and Anita Milford say their secret is "a little argument every day."
2. Walk hand in hand. Even just to your car after an evening at Waffle House.
3. Compliment each other. This one's a daily to-do, if you can. There's no nice thing that's too small to mention: his excellent taste in music, the way he always opens the door for you — it's all worth a verbal love tap. And he will swoon.
4. Make love (obviously). But also ...
5. Have generous sex. You need at least one sexual connection a week that's all about pleasing the other person. (Dear busy people: Feel free to multitask and make this the sex from before. Same goes for this next one ...)
6. Sleep together before work. Put down the straightening iron and heat things up this way: "Weekday morning sex is the secret sauce in a relationship," says Tristan Coopersmith, 33, coauthor of Menu Dating.
7. Get into bed and ... sleep. "Sometimes the best thing a couple can do to ignite their passion for each other is sleep," says Hillsborough, New Jersey, sleep expert Carol Ash. If you two aren't in the sleepover stage yet, co-napping has been known to work wonders too.
8. Let something go. Argue over the stuff that matters, but once a week let him (and yourself) off the hook for things that don't: Yes, he chews his popcorn loud. No, it won't kill you.
9. Laugh really hard. Laughter is a relationship's Krazy Glue: It bonds you. Uninspired? Fast-forward to the chest-waxing scene in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, or send him something snortworthy from funnyordie.com.
10. Be do-gooders. Volunteering together (even just helping a friend move) bonds you because you're ID-ing "common values," says Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist in Wexford, Pennsylvania.
11. Do something scary. Been together a while? A pounding heart mimics the rush of brand-new love, says Patti Wood, an expert on nonverbal communication in Atlanta. Fly in a balloon, or order the sweetbreads for two!
12. Talk about money. Whether it's "Should we open a joint account?" or just, "Hey, let's split the bill tonight."
13. Brag publicly about him: his fearless pursuit of the mouse in your kitchen, the armful of hydrangeas he surprised you with, the raise he landed even in this economy. Surely once a month you can think of something that'll make him blush in front of your friends. He'll probably get you back too.
14. Declare something "this stays in Vegas." A silly nickname, or a crazy bedroom mishap. Share something intimate, then pull the couple bubble around you tightly.
15. Be the man. Not literally, but if your guy always initiates dates, romance, whatever, take the lead for once. Christina, 26, of Jersey City, New Jersey, likes to ask her husband out on formal dates: "I've even brought him a red rose."
16. Disappear together. Hike somewhere AT&T can't find you (and thus your mother, your boss and his needy friend Bob can't find you either). No woods? Any time spent totally alone together — a long drive, even — will do the trick.
17. Disappear alone. We're not advocating game-playing, exactly. But in this world of 24/7 availability, it can be good for your relationship to each have some solo time. Afterward, you'll feel recharged, like the free-spirited single girl he fell for once upon a time.
18. Go to a party! And mingle separately. It screams confidence and makes the after-party rehash even sweeter.
19. Have sex some way you've never had it before. A worthy challenge, whether you've been together 10 days or 10 years. Try a new position or play out a fantasy. Doesn't matter whether it's really new to you, as long as it's new to you as a couple.
20. Build a doghouse. Or restore a Firebird. Or, OK, sew matching Star Trek costumes. Any team project "is fantastic bonding," says Wendi Forrest, owner of Time for Nine, a golf dating service.
21. Now get the dog. Or at least a plant. Anything that'll grow with your love.
22. Say the tough thing. The dark family secret. The crazy career dream. If you can't confess to your significant other, then who? (Hey, you think Barack never said to Michelle way back when, "This may sound nuts, but I think I want to be president someday"?)
23. Cancel Valentine's Day and invent your own lovey-dovey holiday. Lobsterfest 2009, anyone?
24. Fall apart. You can't schedule this. But it's important that you each know, via experience, that you can completely, utterly lose your grip — weep over a bad haircut, threaten to leave your job after a nutso day, have a wrenching fight with your mom — and not lose each other.
25. Don't. Get. Up. At least once a year, break open some bubbly, disable the Wi-Fi, and don't get out of bed for the weekend.
26. Talk birth control. Not so sexy, but potentially life-changing. Would a different method work better? Is it his turn (or yours) to take primary responsibility? And where are you on the whole kid issue, anyway?
27. Re-kiss your first kiss. All timid and hopeful ... and wonderful.
28. Write each other. New Orleans newlywed Rebecca, 32, was inspired by her husband's uncle, who writes his wife every Christmas: "One letter may not seem like much, but after 30 years it's a wonderful record of their lives."
29. Think back on all the reasons you fell for him, whether you've dated for a year or a decade. Some will be big (his extra-dry sense of humor); some will be small (his love of argyle). Make sure you tell him, and remind yourself. Hello, butterflies! There you are again.
... And Once In a Lifetime
30. Get lost together in a foreign country.
31. Damn the cost and go do the dream.
32. Get intimate someplace you might be discovered.
33. Suffer through food poisoning together.
34. Go to each other's "fun" high school reunions.
35. Pay off the mortgage!
36. Come back from the brink of a breakup even stronger.
37. Together, convince a skeptic pal to believe in love.
38. Have a poor phase. Maybe a rich phase, too.
39. Count the stars. Know your love is one in a billion.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Some great news
Today I am signing on with QC Distance Learning's Wedding Planning and Event Planning School to be a tutor! Yes I will be reviewing Student's assignments, and providing feedback and grading them!
What a great honour, to be asked back to the school I was certified with, to mentor and tutor others in an industry I've come to really enjoy being a part of!
What a great honour, to be asked back to the school I was certified with, to mentor and tutor others in an industry I've come to really enjoy being a part of!
Monday, July 27, 2009
How to work with a planner
We all know that the wedding day is one that is special for a woman and her husband to be. It’s also a very special day for family and friends. Brides and Grooms know that this is the one event in their life when they can be somewhat self indulgent, and they should feel at the end of the day, that they had a spectacular event, that really reflected who they are as a couple, and who they want to be as a married pair.
Planners are designers and artists at heart. Their job is to listen to your big dreams, and deliver you an event that resembles it as closely as possible with the budget you’ve allowed them to use. If you give the right planner your trust, and your high level vision, this can be achieved, and you may be seriously, and overwhelmingly surprised at the result. Part of the intrigue of working with a planner is the powerful impact that their final design has on you and your guests on your big day.
Often times though, brides are coming to their initial planning meeting with a potential planner, with photos and lists and exact descriptions of the details they expect to have – at which point, the planner’s overall value is significantly diminished, and the makings of a tense and difficult planning process can be triggered. A planner can deliver high quality results, relative to the budget they are given, by leveraging existing relationships, helpful discounts, and other creativities. By coming to the first meeting, making an assumption that you can deliver better as the bride, indicates that you intend to plan your own wedding from start to finish, and are therefore potentially wasting your time and money on having a planner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, and having a planner isn’t necessarily for everyone. But what you should be expecting to do with this planner should be much more pointed and direct. Be upfront – explain that you know what you want, and which vendors you want to use, and ask them if they think they can help you negotiate discounts to reach your budget. Or be clear that you know what you’re doing for everything but the videography, and the dj, and that you feel that you will need day of coordination help. Can the planner help you to secure these three details, as opposed to helping you design the whole wedding from start to finish for example?
Most planners will be happy to accommodate the pared down services and will be able to deliver against them to your complete satisfaction. And at the end of your wedding, their real value will be evident. Approaching the first meeting with a potential planner under the pretense that you want them to plan your whole wedding, only to be overly specific about your details and your vendor selection, leaves them with very little visible value to offer, and will only make you feel like you’ve paid more than you should…and at the end of the day, it’s not the planner’s fault. They followed your direction, and delivered your details, to your specifications. What you said you wanted is what you got – you left no room for the planner to impress you with their creativity, or surprise you with the glamour you thought you would be getting.
We all want you to have the event of your wildest dreams, and we know we can deliver it and then some. But we need you to let us do what we do best. Deliver and surprise with our quality, our creativity and our vision.
Still, I know it’s tempting – you’ve been dreaming about your day since you were six years old, wearing lace kitchen curtains as make shift veils during various episodes of playing dress up with your stuffed dolls, and neighborhood friends. Letting go of that control isn’t easy. We “get that” as planners. We can deliver a heavenly escape and capture those cloud filled moments of your dream wedding, but trust is key.
The best way to approach your first meeting, and every meeting thereafter with your planner, is to be clear. You have this much money to be spent…you have this overarching idea of the overall experience your wedding should deliver…your favourite flower is…your favourite colour is…you have this many guests that are critical to invite, and this many on the “nice to have” list…you have this traditional or religious requirement or something else that’s close to your hearts to be shared on your big day…your favourite type of music is this…and so on. A good planner will follow up with you in a month’s time or less with design concepts and options. They will share their vision of the details with you, which means you’re going to see the best possible options for the budget you have, and you’re not going to be limited to your first ideas of the details you had in mind. Maybe they’ll be able to share ideas with you that you never knew were possible, or show you where in the budget you can adjust things to make them possible.
They will consult you at every step of the way. They will allow you to approve, provide input to or scratch any idea they present you, and they will give you final veto on vendor selections. You should always be presented with at least 3 options for any given detail, and your planner will work with you to be sure that the final result on your big wedding day is a vision that fully represents your own, unique and special day. If you give them the freedom to design and create the vision, your day can be the one you always dreamed you would have or better. Be open to suggestions, and be prepared to be hands off (this is what planners do – they keep things stress free for you throughout the planning process – which means they do the heavy lifting, hands on stuff for you), until they bring you in for final approvals on each stage.
Happy Planning!
Planners are designers and artists at heart. Their job is to listen to your big dreams, and deliver you an event that resembles it as closely as possible with the budget you’ve allowed them to use. If you give the right planner your trust, and your high level vision, this can be achieved, and you may be seriously, and overwhelmingly surprised at the result. Part of the intrigue of working with a planner is the powerful impact that their final design has on you and your guests on your big day.
Often times though, brides are coming to their initial planning meeting with a potential planner, with photos and lists and exact descriptions of the details they expect to have – at which point, the planner’s overall value is significantly diminished, and the makings of a tense and difficult planning process can be triggered. A planner can deliver high quality results, relative to the budget they are given, by leveraging existing relationships, helpful discounts, and other creativities. By coming to the first meeting, making an assumption that you can deliver better as the bride, indicates that you intend to plan your own wedding from start to finish, and are therefore potentially wasting your time and money on having a planner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, and having a planner isn’t necessarily for everyone. But what you should be expecting to do with this planner should be much more pointed and direct. Be upfront – explain that you know what you want, and which vendors you want to use, and ask them if they think they can help you negotiate discounts to reach your budget. Or be clear that you know what you’re doing for everything but the videography, and the dj, and that you feel that you will need day of coordination help. Can the planner help you to secure these three details, as opposed to helping you design the whole wedding from start to finish for example?
Most planners will be happy to accommodate the pared down services and will be able to deliver against them to your complete satisfaction. And at the end of your wedding, their real value will be evident. Approaching the first meeting with a potential planner under the pretense that you want them to plan your whole wedding, only to be overly specific about your details and your vendor selection, leaves them with very little visible value to offer, and will only make you feel like you’ve paid more than you should…and at the end of the day, it’s not the planner’s fault. They followed your direction, and delivered your details, to your specifications. What you said you wanted is what you got – you left no room for the planner to impress you with their creativity, or surprise you with the glamour you thought you would be getting.
We all want you to have the event of your wildest dreams, and we know we can deliver it and then some. But we need you to let us do what we do best. Deliver and surprise with our quality, our creativity and our vision.
Still, I know it’s tempting – you’ve been dreaming about your day since you were six years old, wearing lace kitchen curtains as make shift veils during various episodes of playing dress up with your stuffed dolls, and neighborhood friends. Letting go of that control isn’t easy. We “get that” as planners. We can deliver a heavenly escape and capture those cloud filled moments of your dream wedding, but trust is key.
The best way to approach your first meeting, and every meeting thereafter with your planner, is to be clear. You have this much money to be spent…you have this overarching idea of the overall experience your wedding should deliver…your favourite flower is…your favourite colour is…you have this many guests that are critical to invite, and this many on the “nice to have” list…you have this traditional or religious requirement or something else that’s close to your hearts to be shared on your big day…your favourite type of music is this…and so on. A good planner will follow up with you in a month’s time or less with design concepts and options. They will share their vision of the details with you, which means you’re going to see the best possible options for the budget you have, and you’re not going to be limited to your first ideas of the details you had in mind. Maybe they’ll be able to share ideas with you that you never knew were possible, or show you where in the budget you can adjust things to make them possible.
They will consult you at every step of the way. They will allow you to approve, provide input to or scratch any idea they present you, and they will give you final veto on vendor selections. You should always be presented with at least 3 options for any given detail, and your planner will work with you to be sure that the final result on your big wedding day is a vision that fully represents your own, unique and special day. If you give them the freedom to design and create the vision, your day can be the one you always dreamed you would have or better. Be open to suggestions, and be prepared to be hands off (this is what planners do – they keep things stress free for you throughout the planning process – which means they do the heavy lifting, hands on stuff for you), until they bring you in for final approvals on each stage.
Happy Planning!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Striking the Balance
As bride’s one of the most difficult challenges you can face is the one between courteous and gracious host, and well, Bridezilla.
As a planner, it’s my job to help you keep that balance. If you’re one of those bride’s who aren’t working with a planner, that job often falls to your fiancé, your mother, your best friend, and really any of the people who you’re letting loose on in your inevitable bridezilla moments. You can imagine it’s not the easiest message to deliver when you’re being ripped a new one by the one person you’ve committed to support – come hell or high water – It really stinks when hell and high water are delivered at the same time, by the same person.
So how do you know when you’re hitting one of the guard rails, and do you care? Of course you care. She who doesn’t care, is the same she who’ll be divorced within a year of the wedding IF they even make it down the aisle in the first place. I think the way you know you’re hitting the guard rail is when you appear to be tense more than once a day. I think we all have tenuous schedules at the best of times these days, and planning something as emotionally charged as a wedding, sends that tenuous schedule into something that would frighten even Lucifer himself. So, I think it’s reasonable to feel tense once a day. By tense I mean nothing more than tight in the shoulders for a period of about 10 minutes – something that relaxes as soon as you’re on a path to resolution. If you’re feeling more than that, I think you need to realize that you may be hitting a guard rail – and it may be time to take a breather – take stock, and figure out who you’re going to have to apologize to…and quick.
A wedding is the one time when you should feel entitled to indulge in a bit of selfish pleasure. It’s your (defined as you and your fiancé both) wedding, and particularly if you’re paying the whole shot, you should have a day that will reflect your own happiness. Whatever that may cost and whatever you’re willing to absorb as a budget for this event, it should in every way, reflect what makes the two of you happy together. But above all of the emotional self indulgence of the day, you are first and foremost hosts. Remember that all of the wording for your save the dates, invitations, thank you cards, favour tags – every last one of them says “Thank you for sharing in our day!” Or “Thank you for celebrating with us!” Or even “We’re so glad you could join us”. If the day wasn’t meant to be the first large occasion/event you are both hosting together for all of your friends and family, then all of that stationary would read “We got hitched”, “I got to wear a gown”, or heaven forbid “Please bring cash only”. Remember that if you’re thinking it, people will know it – it will be woven throughout all your wedding communications, your verbal and nonverbal cues and it’s the first thing EVERYONE will notice about your behaviour and your overall day. The result will be that your guests will feel obligated to attend, they will leave early, and in no way shape or form will they feel like they have “shared in your day”, rather than watched your self indulgence. Not really how most people want their guests to feel at the best of times, and least of all how you want your guests to feel at your wedding.
Which brings me to when Bridezilla really comes out to play – typically for many brides who were able to avoid such tendencies throughout the planning process, Bridezilla will arrive the day after the wedding, the first day of the honeymoon, or possibly even the day you have returned from the honeymoon. I think there are two reasons for this. First and above all else, she rears her ugly head because you finally have time and brain power to process everything that has happened, come and gone…And secondly, she comes out, because you’re no longer the bride, you’re officially the wife – and while it’s a wonderful role to have, the bride had a project. The wife’s project is a whole different ball game – one that we’ve spent the prep time we had available to us, devoted elsewhere. Remember that often times, our grandparents planned our mother’s first weddings (if you’re twenty or older) – planning our own has taken a lot of work and effort that we haven’t traditionally spent. This means we need to take special care to remember that we are hosts, and not simply the guests of honour, as our mothers might have been.
So the key is I think, if you are planning your own wedding – or even if you’re using a planner, you are a host first (presumably a very gracious one at that) and a guest of honour second. You can always be the bride, but adding that “zilla” will cost you dearly.
As a planner, it’s my job to help you keep that balance. If you’re one of those bride’s who aren’t working with a planner, that job often falls to your fiancé, your mother, your best friend, and really any of the people who you’re letting loose on in your inevitable bridezilla moments. You can imagine it’s not the easiest message to deliver when you’re being ripped a new one by the one person you’ve committed to support – come hell or high water – It really stinks when hell and high water are delivered at the same time, by the same person.
So how do you know when you’re hitting one of the guard rails, and do you care? Of course you care. She who doesn’t care, is the same she who’ll be divorced within a year of the wedding IF they even make it down the aisle in the first place. I think the way you know you’re hitting the guard rail is when you appear to be tense more than once a day. I think we all have tenuous schedules at the best of times these days, and planning something as emotionally charged as a wedding, sends that tenuous schedule into something that would frighten even Lucifer himself. So, I think it’s reasonable to feel tense once a day. By tense I mean nothing more than tight in the shoulders for a period of about 10 minutes – something that relaxes as soon as you’re on a path to resolution. If you’re feeling more than that, I think you need to realize that you may be hitting a guard rail – and it may be time to take a breather – take stock, and figure out who you’re going to have to apologize to…and quick.
A wedding is the one time when you should feel entitled to indulge in a bit of selfish pleasure. It’s your (defined as you and your fiancé both) wedding, and particularly if you’re paying the whole shot, you should have a day that will reflect your own happiness. Whatever that may cost and whatever you’re willing to absorb as a budget for this event, it should in every way, reflect what makes the two of you happy together. But above all of the emotional self indulgence of the day, you are first and foremost hosts. Remember that all of the wording for your save the dates, invitations, thank you cards, favour tags – every last one of them says “Thank you for sharing in our day!” Or “Thank you for celebrating with us!” Or even “We’re so glad you could join us”. If the day wasn’t meant to be the first large occasion/event you are both hosting together for all of your friends and family, then all of that stationary would read “We got hitched”, “I got to wear a gown”, or heaven forbid “Please bring cash only”. Remember that if you’re thinking it, people will know it – it will be woven throughout all your wedding communications, your verbal and nonverbal cues and it’s the first thing EVERYONE will notice about your behaviour and your overall day. The result will be that your guests will feel obligated to attend, they will leave early, and in no way shape or form will they feel like they have “shared in your day”, rather than watched your self indulgence. Not really how most people want their guests to feel at the best of times, and least of all how you want your guests to feel at your wedding.
Which brings me to when Bridezilla really comes out to play – typically for many brides who were able to avoid such tendencies throughout the planning process, Bridezilla will arrive the day after the wedding, the first day of the honeymoon, or possibly even the day you have returned from the honeymoon. I think there are two reasons for this. First and above all else, she rears her ugly head because you finally have time and brain power to process everything that has happened, come and gone…And secondly, she comes out, because you’re no longer the bride, you’re officially the wife – and while it’s a wonderful role to have, the bride had a project. The wife’s project is a whole different ball game – one that we’ve spent the prep time we had available to us, devoted elsewhere. Remember that often times, our grandparents planned our mother’s first weddings (if you’re twenty or older) – planning our own has taken a lot of work and effort that we haven’t traditionally spent. This means we need to take special care to remember that we are hosts, and not simply the guests of honour, as our mothers might have been.
So the key is I think, if you are planning your own wedding – or even if you’re using a planner, you are a host first (presumably a very gracious one at that) and a guest of honour second. You can always be the bride, but adding that “zilla” will cost you dearly.
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